The winter of 1995, I was born in a poor rural family level.Father went to school for two years, 13-year-old man honest honest firewood grandfather helped maintain the entire family livelihood.My mother gave birth to me is frail.When I was born with only 3 pounds.Sickly.Problems everywhere.Mother did not milk, I do not eat breast milk, holding my grandfather go around neighboring villages to milk.Over time the people will not want to.Since the problem is often ill father food sold out.No way, they say the doctors did not save his father had to squat against the wall crying, and finally put me in the outskirts of the graveyard stood side.Finally, Grandma brought me to hold back, do not know again I saved some strength back, I came back to life, has been followed by grandparents Grandma Loved Me, what are reluctant to eat, leaving me.Until elementary school only to parents living at home.Just go to my parents lived in fact not used to.Often secretly went to grandma's house, my parents house and grandmother separated by only 700 meters.My parents sent me to school, read the small classes in kindergarten Intermediate Taipan not on the first grade, and I look and of thin and small, often a person to play, introverted no friends, people stupid.At that time the village school teacher beating very fierce.I was in homework, the teacher visited the wrong question to me, and I will not speak with the trees, then hit twice first article, then changed to say, but I do not have a rubber plug, I'm afraid, very anxious, embarrassed asked to borrow the same table, the teacher always beat me.I am desperate, my mind buzzing, take the two stars.At the same table the initiative to lend me an eraser.I wiped out the wrong answer, the teacher told me or in murmured.I totally kept feeling he said foreign language, the last class teacher arranged for me to stand at the blackboard.I totally do not understand the teacher's class so I score the worst time to make back the text, how can I try to finish back, back over just to get back home for dinner.End = huge teachers leaving me alone, I'm lonely.Wait until after dinner to all students on the afternoon classes, just let me go home for dinner I am a person walking on the road, which is far more lonely than the school's long road home.Father a little bad temper, I often face domestic violence.What impressed me most is just to kindergarten soon, my father let me I can count from one to 50-9.He glanced a long time, my father brought a bottle of dichlorvos, heavy on the table.He says so unpromising drinking dichlorvos die.I'm afraid, a make of tears, just a neighbor lady in my house next to the work heard, threw over manual labor to persuade.Always gray lonely childhood..Elementary school, registration fee can not be owed pay.The harvest time not to pay, would be to go back to the registration fee, there is a class I got left one person did not pay, I am also aware of the situation at home, so the way to school in a small river sit one afternoon, then pretend normal home from school. In the afternoon of that river is my most lonely, this lonely river deeper than that.This lonely than that river ...Instant flash on the junior high school, the results are still poor, that you should start to see my article..And tall and short, queuing is always ranked first, is the seat of the first row.This often makes me very inferior, intentionally or unintentionally, the students have to bully me, I do not like people looking at me strange.I often go home crying to their parents, but they get comfort not that also always called me vexatious, so I'm more introverted, not like a love confession.I coke oven anxiety, I've had enough, my mother told me a little harsh tone of voice, and I would not have to re-take exchange, coupled with adolescent rebellion heart, slowly I act a bit extreme I use contradict my mother language.The result is often beaten by his father meal.I cried uncontrollably exposing force, why can not my parents understand me, God, what am I doing wrong.Hey, way to teach seems wrong.The three days of the next quarter, the teacher advised us to read these achievements rotten vocational school students, saying that there is a living allowance, wrapped i work job assignment, but now I know the class teacher to take kickbacks.Yeah, I went to a vocational high school in the city read, with a yearning for a better go.Went to the school, chose a mechatronics class was all boys, from all over.Results are bad, troublemaker, poor conduct.Is no exaggeration.I am a shy person will not bully people must be subject to exclusion and bullying.Conduct too bad, I took the golden pie on the desk, took the class gave me to eat, I had another way to do what God, fight and win, but said said.None of the class is full of books, a student, class slapstick see someone throw the book.Teacher in the class that just say a few, as long as the middle row of students to talk like that in front row students to sleep as quiet, then it will not disturb the row behind Landlords student.Some students feel rich and powerful dare contradict the teacher, I was an ordinary farmer's son, I untouchables them, but I hide under the covers, because it is goof.I run in the second when he was a student through school, through non-resident students are students, not on the early study up, anyway, is going to night classes put the dishes to watch TV.My home 40 kilometers away from the school.I get up early in the morning to ride a bicycle to the town.Then sit early bus to school, buses run a half hours.Afternoon ride your bike to come and evening fare to spend $ 6, my mother gave me a day to get 10 yuan.Finally, the school has to go to the left a newspaper, the teacher also open eyes closed eyes.Read three years had nothing to learn learned to smoke, half of the entire class of people learned to smoke this is vocational education.To 2012 followed Wuxi school internship, the internship is to say that the factory made cheap labor, beside a machine stop is 5 hours, hands and feet, 1000 a month.Made more than one month and students fight, I was hit hospital, they still dig a few hundred dollars later bought a ticket back to the Mianyang.Home is scolded by their parents meal.I say nothing, do not listen like.Me and they have always been emotional divide, and I do not care.Playing at home, just send a small period of time and his brother do Unicom signal tower USMS, 50 a day.He made six months.2013 divorce of their parents, and advised them not to divorce, ask why they want a divorce, that I do not listen.I also back this pot, I can not figure out the key ah.That year I am a person farming at home, I feel like I had depression, is not willing to go out to see people, the more familiar the more people avoid.All day empty head, sleeping during the day, at night playing computer, I do not play computer games, is to see a movie or something.One meal a day is not the law of life.He loved from work in my grandmother died, I was very desperate, never see my grandmother, grandmother since childhood is brought up.2014 With cold enough I went to a man's heart went to Guangzhou, a small factory inside electroplating factory, I am a student was there to work.1500 a month salary every month say is long, the results of a salary for a year or 1650.And not enough money to spend, when I am learning a lot of stock losses.2015 Spring Festival I have people called home for the holiday, New Year's village in the city streets are deserted.Like a ghost town, people are home for the holiday.Danian 30 I gave my mother called and greetings, the phone still blaring voice, my tears in the rental house to eat a bucket of instant noodles.In the first round out of the New Year.After the Spring Festival over a period of time and made another small home selling barbecue to discuss, I went back to Mianyang in April and he rented a house.But his father let him go to study.I did not mess up looking for a job in Mianyang, I went to the self-service barbecue grills candidates attendants, the brothel is still very large.When the waiter pulled a long Houchu to help.Boss, boss people are very good.Inside the staff a little intrigues.I work very hard, less than a few months to become the number one boss.In June, when I met a girl, she is the home of Pakistan and Pingchang.We met in the next, 12 points late when I greeted him.I asked him how to stay up so late ah, she said, reading a book, I think she is very special, I get the feeling sentimental.We talked to the very end we became friends.Every day I will stand on the bridge to call her after work, she also occasionally call me up in the morning.I am very grateful to her.My work is a gradual decline in business, the boss had closed down, the boss told me to go outside with him, but I do not want to leave Mianyang. I resolutely stay in Mianyang, I bought a fire three called on a colleague with me to work together with me to the vegetables.How much time did I have an accident, it is 2 o'clock in the morning we went to purchase, because I did not rest well inattentive driver fatigue crashed into a roadside pole lights, I fly out 8 meters in a coma for a while I was a lame a street toward my colleagues.He was buried in a dish below, the first paste on asphalt, a pot large pool of blood flow, blood is black in the morning two points on the road without a car and no one, I am panic.Sleep on the floor of my colleague Zhang big mouth, as if to say something.I feel my life is over, I kill.I hit 120 120 over 15 minutes just feel, I gave him to the hospital to pay a fee of 8000, and then I also collapsed to the ground.I woke up, I feel good dry mouth, I asked the doctor how the situation like my colleagues, the doctor said the head get a hole 15 cm, has been out of danger.That we have enough money, I can only give my father a call, the next day my father came back from the field.I lost two days to prepare the surgery was nine in the morning the nurse pushed me to the operating room, surgery began.I was a mess, like anesthetic allergy, I felt the sting.I kept shouting.After I feel his head buzzing, the sound faster and faster, faster and faster.I felt uneasy.If it entered a dark tunnel like that more and more narrow tunnel.Surgery done seven hours a knee fracture, played a lot of rivets.Lying in the hospital for two weeks only my father to take care of me.This time the two of us spent the family's medical bills had little to continue, but also by a bunch of debt.I'm so desperate.I left the hospital, came back down to rest for some time, entered the city.Father at home felling January 2016 No. 1, just black night, his father overturned.Turn at home next to the pond, and drowning.Neighbor called me over.I heard the news like a thunderbolt, ah, ah God! Previous life in the end I did something wrong! Do this to me! I have a soft spread on the ground even smoked two cigarettes.I go back the way I was unwilling to accept this fact.My father was 43 ah! I got home around a lot of people inside and outside the home.I hugged my dad rushed to the cold corpse, he woke up crying and shouting, but he could not wake up.My dad died wreck nose, mouth, ears are bleeding.Late night wore on, the villagers had gone home.I burned a fire a man guarding the bodies of my dad.My mom told my dad divorced my mom and in the field, I have no brothers or sisters.I feel so helpless I'm very lonely, very afraid.After nobody control me, the next day how to go on.Bury my father, not money.I pick up the phone to play all the contacts in the phone to borrow money, I borrowed 4000 fast food my dad's funeral cremation fee in addition to the other are owed.Good buried my dad, I have the right to repaySimply combed down mood.I came to the city, sellers.Feeling sellers than go to work to earn more, I went to Chengdu into some hardware I got up very early every day I go to the fair market rush.Late at night to go back.I did six months.The total pay will receive a lot of sense but in the end doing work with also earn more than where to go, because the street vendor business models have limitations.Goods sold almost I am looking for a job to work, because the sellers early in the morning one night tired and income with work almost.I go to work, up to 17 years of the New Year.Feeling very slow debt, after all, owe too much.Finally, I found one day carry cement earn two or three hundred I resigned to carry cement, I 160 tall, weighing 8 pounds only day I can carry more than 300 cement bags, I can be considered desperate.How hard my heart.Tens of thousands of foreign debt, etc. I ah every day I can not sleep.I do not know how long it can hold on!In it I said above that girl.He broke the 117 days.She now has a boyfriend and I continue single, I may be more frustration because more than a year long distance relationship, we are struggling back and forth.More than two years of feeling but why break up?Naturally it.Then together when she came here to play us, I remember when I was destitute penniless once a day did not eat, I walked more than ten kilometers to go to a friend's house, he gave me some money, I quickly ran back.He walked all the way to tears, I was not sad I had no money I did not walk nor my hungry stomach.I think I'm incompetent, can not take care of her.I was very upset guilty.Vivid memories, and my best girl that has become someone else's girlfriend acetate.According to the World impermanence of things to get people, alasThe above is my miserable life, I really do not survive to go, more than 100,000 of debt Hell I can not breathe, I really hope someone can help me.I am willing to accept all kinds of help, I hope to have a good platform, drip grace, Yongquan future

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